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Guys in Heaven

2008-10-30T19:45:00.001-07:00

Two guys die and go to heaven. They relax with some beer and some salt-dried fish. They watch the river bank and take things real slow and easy.
Suddenly, another guy emerges from the brushwood, takes a quick sip of beer, a piece of fish, and dives back into the brush. And again, several times in a row.
Eventually the two guys can't take it any more and tell him:
- Why do you keep running around? This is heaven - you have all the time in the world. Don't kill the mood.
- Hey dudes, I'd be happy to hang around! But I'm in intensive care!

Credit Crunch - New Office Policy

2008-10-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Breaks:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Turd balls

2008-10-17T00:46:00.001-07:00

When I was 10 years old, I had this friend once named Kris (who was also my age). Never knew him very well, but we were in Cub Scouts together and my mother knew his father (who was also the "Den Leader" or whatever they were called). So, they arranged some kind of "play date" or sleepover thing. We went walking out behind my house that evening, just talking, joking around. All of a sudden, Kris reaches his hand down the back of his pants, pulls out a glob of something, and throws it down the street. "Turd balls" he says to me, and shrugs, with a smile on his face. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Even at 10, I was speechless. I think I murmured something, and I kept my distance for the rest of the night. Fortunately, I had nothing to do with him after that evening. But afterwards, I always watched his hands closely for the telltale evidence... Now it makes me wonder: Did he ever got over the habit? For that matter, I wonder how he STARTED the habit! Surely his parents must have known.

Viagra goes on sale at Boots

2008-08-19T00:41:00.000-07:00

MEN in London will be able to buy Viagra on the high street from tomorrow. buying sildenafil online new jersey

Six Boots stores in the capital will run the first pharmacist service for erection problems. A half-hour consultation in a private room will cost £55 and patients will be charged £26.59 for four tablets.

Pharmacists will do a prescreening questionnaire, take a medical history and conduct a series of blood tests, including checking men's glucose, blood pressure and cholesterol levels to rule out a more serious health problem. It follows a successful pilot scheme in Manchester. buying sildenafil online maryland